Mutual respect - what a load of crap!
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Hello fellow horse lovers,
We hear the term "mutual respect" all the time, especially from many modern trainers. They talk about concepts like connection, listening and mutual respect, and at first glance, it sounds wonderful. However, what they're often touting is far from genuine mutual respect.
True mutual respect means unwavering commitment to seeking the truth from the animal in front of you. It means understanding what the animal genuinely likes and dislikes and respecting its voice and choices. Actually, it’s more than that. Because most horses in the equestrian world are in some level of learned helplessness/obedience, it means actively encouraging them to share their truth. Unfortunately, what I see with many trainers today is much more about subtle manipulation and coercion—of both the horse and the people watching. I find this really worrying.Â
Consider a video I recently watched, where a trainer was trying to get a mare to connect with him. The mare expressed disinterest and discomfort in every conceivable way. She said no over and over. He would laugh and say he was not pressuring her just giving her different ideas to consider. Instead of honoring the horse’s voice, the trainer used a slew of manipulative tricks until the mare finally submitted—not because she wanted to, but because surrender was its only path to peace. If you respected another being, you wouldn’t do whatever you could to achieve your goals by using them this way. I want to empower you to dig deeper. Look beyond the quick fixes and showmanship. Seek the horse's truth. Observe whether the trainer genuinely respects the horse’s decisions and voice.
Take another example: A person labels their horse as lazy because it doesn’t want to go forward. Instead of forcing or manipulating the horse with a collection of tricks & strategies, true mutual respect involves accepting this answer and seeking to understand the root cause. What is preventing the horse from wanting to move forward? What is it about the trainer or the situation that is causing this reluctance? If you genuinely respected another, you'd strive to understand them deeply rather than manipulating them to fit your objectives.
How do I know about these tricks and manipulative tactics? Because I used them too. Today, I am dedicated to a different path—one that prioritises genuine understanding and profound respect for my equine partners at every turn.
With unwavering passion and dedication,
Paulette
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