I remember so clearly one moment in my life when I was not ready for truth.

It was during my competitive dressage years.
I was sitting in the grandstand for the Grand Prix Special — glass of champagne in hand — with a friend beside me who was not a horse person.

The horses were moving with precision.
I was explaining everything — how long it takes to reach this level, how few horses even make it, the blood, sweat and tears it demands.

My friend sat quietly.
And after a while — she turned to me and said:

"Can I tell you what I’m feeling? I think these horses are really unhappy."

And in that moment — I shut her down.

Defensively.

"You just don’t know what you’re looking at. You’re not educated."

I’m sure I said much more — but those words stayed with me.

And now — 25 years later — I can tell you:

She was right.

Those horses were not happy.
And they still aren’t.

That was not truth-seeking.
That was self-protection.

Because deep down — something in me knew.
But I wasn’t ready to face it.

And today — I see this everywhere.

👉 “My horse loves being ridden.”
👉 “They run to me in the paddock.”

Statements of defence — not truth.

Because when you feel the need to defend what you are doing — fiercely — it almost always reveals that something inside knows:

👉 This may not be right.

And this is the hardest part of all:

Because so much of what we call “training” today is still coercive control.

It is managing the horse’s behaviour — shaping what pleases us — dismissing what they are trying to tell us.

And deep down, many people feel this.
But instead of seeking truth — they defend.

I know this in myself.

Foxy Lady taught me.

Because when we find ourselves defensive — reacting — insisting — we are no longer in truth-seeking.

We are in ego.
We are protecting what we do not want to face.

And this is the great transformation:

Learning to stop.
To open.
To ask:

👉 What is my horse really telling me?
👉 What is their truth?
👉 Am I willing to hear it — even if it challenges what I want to believe?

Because that is what a truth seeker does.

Not defend.
Not explain away.
Not dismiss.

But listen.

And when we begin to live this way — everything changes.

Because when we truly see the horse’s experience — and honour it — we step out of coercion.

We stop shaping what we want.
We start building relationship — on trust, on truth, on freedom.

And what returns — is extraordinary.

The horse’s spirit.
Their voice.
Their joy.

And a depth of connection we cannot find any other way.

This is what we teach — in the Learn To Speak Horse course:
How to recognise the stories we tell ourselves.
How to seek the horse’s truth — not the one we want to believe.
How to build relationship — where their experience is fully honoured.

If this speaks to you — you are so welcome to explore this work with us.

It will change your horse’s experience. And it will change you.

With love,
Paulette

Explore more about this work

🌸 The Horse Knows Best

🌸 Embracing the No

🌸 Mutual Respect — What It Really Means

🌸 Truth Seeker

🌸 When Kindness Feels Like Control — to Your Horse

🌸 My Journey With Whips — What I Learned About Control

🌸 Why “Calm and Kind” Isn’t Always Listening

🌸 Beyond Obedience: Why Shaping Can Still Be Control

🌸 True Liberty vs Trained Response — Can You Tell the Difference?

🌸 What Real Leadership Looks Like for Your Horse

🌸 Offering Choice Isn’t Enough — How Our Intentions Still Shape the Horse